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Saturday, February 4, 2012


New York at New England 6:30pm- 

Forty-Six facts, farces and forecasts for a fantastic football fantasy on February fifth. This game really should be a national holiday observed on the Monday after it is played. Or, we could start playing it on Saturday night so we all have a day to recover from the 17 pounds of wings and Doritos we just ate, not to mention the six (dozen) beers, uh, sodas we consumed. 

First, the things that won’t be mentioned:

1. How the Giants lost to a bad Redskins team in 2007 and 2011 during week 15 before their run to each Super Bowl. (22-10 in 2007 and 23-10 in 2011).

2. The Tyree catch.

3. How the Giants beat a one seed and a two seed on the road during the 2007 playoffs and won the Conference Championship in overtime by a field goal after a turnover. You know, like this year.

4. How a Giants win can give the Manning family a 2-0 record against Tom Brady in the Super Bowl or how Eli can have more Super Bowl wins than his brother. 

5. Any connection between Bill Belichick and the Giants.

6. Any reference to a winning streak by each team coming into the game. 

7. Any joke talking about how elite cannot be spelled without “Eli.”

8. Peyton’s neck. 

Didn’t I just mention everything I promised I would not mention? Um..Nevermind. Let’s just move on. Here are things that should be mentioned more:

9. That Tom Coughlin seems to be on the chopping block every single year, but averages more than nine wins a year and is 7-3 in the playoffs. 

10. That Tom Brady is 3-0 without Randy Moss on his team in a Super Bowl and 0-1 when he is. 

11. That Tom Brady has ten meaningful seasons (Minus 2000 and 2008) under his belt and has a chance for 140 total wins during that time. His record overall so far: 139-40. He is credited with one win as a starter in 2008, so many report this as 140-40. 

Things that matter:

12. The Giants are a tough match-up for New England because they can provide pressure with their front four. This allows them to mix up their coverages better than other teams. Good quarterbacks who know their offense like Brady does love to be blitzed. They consider it a free 8 yards or more.

13. The Giants will not be able to run a lot of the plays off guard that Bradshaw likes because Vince Wilfork is two people.

14. The Giants receiving corps has a big advantage on the Patriots secondary.

15. The Patriots have a big advantage with the size of their tight ends versus the Giants secondary. 

16. Is Chase Blackburn healthy enough to cover the underneath drags and crosses?

Things that don’t matter:

17. Previous records.

18. The game played earlier this season between the two teams. 

19. That not even the Giants know who Sterling Moore is.

Fun facts and farces:

20. Jacquian Williams, the man who forced the Kyle Williams fumble in overtime against San Francisco, went Fort Scott Community College and then played at South Florida. So did Jason Pierre-Paul.

21. Being the little brother, Eli was picked on by Peyton his whole life. Eli got back at him once when he stole Peyton’s girlfriend after the prom. He even made out with her in Peyton’s room.

22. Tom Brady had surgery after college to get a more manly, pronounced chin. After the recent UGG commercial, his management team forced him to reverse a portion of the procedure.

23. Tom Brady doesn’t have to say he is better than any of us, he just is.

24. Rough life of the NFL. As a rookie in 2006, Steve Weatherford was signed and cut three times in three months. Of course, Pats story Ross Ventrone has had over 20 roster transactions involve him this season.

25. There are as many players from the University of Massachusetts on the rosters as there are from the University of Alabama. 

26. Bill Parcells once had both Tom Coughlin and Bill Belichick on his staff. (I did not technically mention the Giants here. Okay, fine. A Super Bowl article can’t be done without mentioning the Belichick Giants thing or that he has been to 7 Super Bowls in some capacity. Also, that last fact is not allowed to be mentioned within Cleveland city limits.)

27. The school fielding the most players on rosters: Boston College (6): Chris Snee, Mark Herzlich, Mathias Kiwanuka, Will Blackmon, Dan Koppen, and Ron Brace.

28. Contrary to what has been reported, Bill Belichick did not steal lunches in junior high, he just would just make the lunch less effective by taking its' best ingredients away. 


29. Brady and Manning passed for a combined mark of over 10,000 yards passing during the regular season. This is the most combined for the quarterback match-up in Super Bowl history. In 2007, they combined for over 8,000. That total still ranks 4th all-time. 

30. When the Patriots lose to the Giants during their franchise history, they average about 11 points per game. When they win, they average about 24. The series stands at 5-5. 

31. Of the major players and coaches with the Patriots there for Tom Brady’s first win over the Giants in 2003, only Brady, Belichick and Kevin Faulk remain. 

32. Of the 44 players who saw the first play on each for their teams during SB42, only 14 of them will see action in this one.

33. There is not one player on the Patriots roster who was on the Giants for any significant amount of time. I really can’t find one on the Giants who was on the Patriots for a significant time, either. 

Possible Headlines:

34. Sons of Ross Ventrone! (If the Pats rookie with the great story makes huge play).

35. Giants Cruz to Victory, Eli Owns the House a Manning Built.

36. Tom is the Most Terrific QB Ever.

37. Never a More Sterling Ending (If game ends on Sterling Moore pick).

38. Two For Two, Manning to Manningham (If WR catch wins game).

39. From The Onion: Peyton Gives Brother Atomic Wedgie After Losing Big Game.

40. From Sports Pickle: Tom Brady Triple-Dog-Dared Eli Manning to Put His Tongue on an Icy Flag Pole; Damage to Manning’s Tongue Key to Patriots Victory.


41. The Giants will not rush for 100 yards.

42. Tom Brady will throw less than two interceptions.

43. Mario Manningham will be the game’s leading receiver.

44. The Giants will record less than three sacks. 

45. The only wardrobe malfunction will be whatever Madonna wears. Also, we may have to get a look at her creepy arms. Seriously, Google “Madonna Creepy Arms,” you’ll hate me for it. 

46. The final score will be Patriots 30, Giants 27.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Entirely Offensive

Hack and I Offend Everybody During a Special Super Bowl Podcast

1. Intro.
2. Super Bowl 46
3. Fixing the Pro Bowl
4. Fixing the Super Bowl. Huh?
5. 2012 NFL Draft Preliminaries
6. Model American

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