Long Awaited Review of Lingerie Football League
THE TEAMS If you want to see the Lingerie Football League, you can see it in the following ten cities: Tampa (Breeze), Philly (Passion), Miami (Caliente), Orlando (Fantasy), Baltimore (Charm), Chicago (Bliss), San Diego (Seduction), LA (Temptation), Dallas (Desire) and Seattle (Mist).
THE GAME It's 7 on 7 football. 50 yard field. I watched two games and am not sure if there is actually a kick besides each one to open the halves. This was never explained and it is not even explained well on the website. 1 (2yd) or 2 pt (5yd) option after a touchdown. There must be two passes attempted every four downs (This seems to be a rule change in between each of the games I DVR'd). 18 minutes running clock halves. I guess this is because very new league with women has to begin in halves (see NBA, W) before going to quarters or something. Why? I have no idea.
HOW TO SEE IT On MTV2 on Friday Nights.
THE SCHEDULE Now, I learned about the schedule after I watched the games and went to the website. This made some of the commentating very funny after the fact. Each team only plays a 4 game season. The top two in each division face in a League Championship and then a Lingerie Bowl.
LET'S GET HORNY GUY STUFF OUT OF THE WAY
Thought #1: This is going to be really hot. Reality: Yeah, it still is. I mean, it's women tight bikini-type things playing football. Yeah, but it is not as hot as the horny guy thought is. They wear shoulder pads that are somehow tied into the "tops" they wear or something. They also wear hockey helmets, pads, eye black. They also wear garters like they were wrist bands or something.
Thought #2: There might be accidental nudity. Reality: None. Nada. Somehow the uniforms themselves never move at all. Ever. I wonder if there was actual tests done to prevent this. I think there was.
Thought #3: I mean, it still will be like watching 14 Playboy spreads running around on a field, right? Reality: Maybe I need to go to a game, but even in HD at home, it is not like that at all. Seeing a rug burn on a good-looking woman after a tackle is not that hot. The sweat does not help much, either.
IN GAME ACTION
Most of the plays look like real plays we see in regular football. I did see an end around, a sweep, a counter, a reverse sweep, a real screen, a delay, a draw, an option, a QB sneak and even a FB dive. There are not a lot of passes that go 10 yards. One girl on Philly can actually throw, though. She can't throw further than me, but I had a arm, but she could definitely toss one past a couple friends of mine could throw. I did see a 35 yard spiral. There are some good hits by some of the women. 3 or 4 per game.
This is by the far the best part of the action on television. The commentators on MTV2 go out of their way to embarrass themselves with their words and I could not be happier. Certain players are showcased during the games to try and promote them. A player from Philly was called a cross between "Chris Johnson and Andre Johnson." They talk of the players being free agents and rookies and veterans and stars and as top players at their positions. A group of d-linewomen are described as bookends (5' 7", 132 and 5' 10", 160) for Philly. The commentators mention the Power Rankings (which do exist on the LFL website) and talk about there "not being enough tape" on certain players. Players are described as All-Fantasy QBs, WRs, or RBs.
There definitely was some mistakes in the presentation. They sell the point that the LFL is the only game where the fans don't leave when it is 30-0 at half (It was 33-0 during Philly game) way too hard. A couple times, they say "there you see the numbers" and there is no graphic. There was an expected number of veiled sexual references. There is some audio of "trash talk," which is normally just a girl screaming in a way-too-manly way.
It took 7 minutes for there to be a shot of drunk guys in the stands at the Philly game. The Seattle game seemed to actually be sold out and the crowd was loud. There even was a staged false start by Chicago to promote this fact and make the crowd sound like they were the Seahawks crowd. There was a shot of a Japanese businessman that could have led to many obvious jokes; I am glad the commentators let it go. There was a shot of female fans in Seattle wearing the uniforms without the pads. There should have been more shots of them. Guys now have a new idea for anniversary gifts.
It's not bad. The website is not done cheap. There is enough fun and humor that proves that the league is not actually taken as seriously as the commentators make it sound on MTV2. One good instance is talk about the line for a league game at the Las Vegas Wynn. Maybe Buzmeg can make a stop and let me know if there are actually lines for these games. The actual lack of horny guy stuff is disappointing. Tickets cost about as much as an Arena League game, except it has hot women. I guess that is what this whole thing comes down to: Would I rather go to an AFL game or a LFL game? Heck, I'd try a LFL game. The research was well worth it the Chris/Andre Johnson comment was the only thing I heard.